DON'T Look Back!

As soon as they (the angels) had bought them out, one of them said, “Flee for your lives!  Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain!  Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!”  Genesis 19: 17

Well, 2012 is coming to a close and we are five days away from a new year!   Naturally, I've been reflecting on the highlights and the low lights of this year.   Recently, we had to let go of one our night nurses because she was sleeping on the job.  This particular nurse had been with our family for a couple of years, so I tried to work with her, but the problem persisted.  I had hoped to replace her before her departure, but my spirit kept telling me to release her before she put Malachi in further danger.  I had no choice but to be obedient to my spirit.  Eventually, her shifts were covered, but in the interim, it was difficult for Maurice and I to tag-team and cover the nights and then go to work the next day.  We do what we must to ensure Malachi’s safety.   That was one of the low lights of this year.  The whole idea of looking back reminds me of the bible story of Lot and his wife. 

Two angels came to visit Lot at his home in the city of Sodom.  Wicked men surrounded Lot’s home in the hopes of tempting him with wicked deeds.  The angels blinded the wicked men and told Lot to take his family and flee the city for they were given orders from God to destroy the wicked city.  Lot’s sons-in-law didn’t take the command seriously and Lot himself hesitated to leave the city.  The angels grasped his hands and the hands of his family and led them safely out of the city.  The angels commanded Lot to flee to the mountains and not look back.  Lot argued to flee to a nearby town instead.  The angels agreed not to destroy the town and as Lot and his family fled, Lot’s wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. 

At first glance, I shake my head at the foolishness of Lot.  God vowed to destroy the city of Sodom and Lot was slow to move.  It sorta reminds me of the horror flicks when the would-be victim is being chased by the zombie-monster and instead of running full steam ahead, the would-be victim runs, but looks back.  I just want to shout at the screen, “Run!  Don’t look back!”    But, if I’m honest with myself, I’m guilty of the same behavior; I've run but looked back too.  The issue of losing a night nurse is a prime example to reference.  I knew the night nurse was sleeping when she should have been taking care of Malachi, yet I hesitated to let her go because there was no replacement.  Malachi requires 24 hour monitoring.  If his ventilator were to malfunction and she didn't hear it because she was sleeping, Malachi would suffer greatly, perhaps even die.  I wrestled with my spirit because I knew how the lack of overnight nursing support would affect my family; my spirit was telling me to flee, and like Lot,  I hesitated until I could no longer ignore my spirit.  It has occurred to me that it’s easier to stay in a situation that’s familiar than to move into the unknown, even when we know that our current situation is about to implode.   I think both Lot’s situation and my own suggest a lack of trust in God.  For me, I know that the wrestling of my spirit was me wrestling with what God was telling me to do right NOW!  When I stopped wrestling with God, I felt at peace with my decision; I felt assured that God would send our family reliable, committed night nurses.   I could let go and look forward to the GREAT thing that God was about to do for Malachi instead of looking back with fear and regret.  I chose to be led by my faith and not persuaded by my doubts, worries and insecurities.  I chose to be obedient to God’s command. 

There will be times when fear and worry will cause us to move slowly at God’s command to GO!   We must remember that when we hesitate and look back, we fall prey to the zombie-monster; we stumble and fall and risk an untimely fate.  Worst of all, we miss the awesome opportunity that God has waiting for us.  As I prepare my resolutions over the next few days, I am looking forward with confidence and clarity to a prosperous 2013!

Question of the Day: 

Recall a situation when the Lord told you to GO, but you were hesitant to move.  What were the obstacles?  What did looking back cost you?

Beauty for Ashes

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and to release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor, and the day of vengeance for our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty, instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord, for the display of His splendor.   Isaiah 61: 1 - 3

I love the third Sunday of every month at my church because the baby dedication ceremony takes center stage.  I love this ceremony because it is steeped in beautiful, meaningful African tradition and rituals.  One of the rituals that I especially like is when the pastoral staff places a taste of five different elements on the tongue of each baby.  The ministers explain the symbolic meaning of each element to the congregation as they are administering the elements to the babies.  For example, each baby is given a taste of salt so that they may know wisdom; a taste of vinegar so that they may surmount the bitter trials of life and a taste of honey so that they may know that life in Christ is sweet.  The final element is oil; the child’s head is anointed with oil as a sign of hope – the hope we have in Christ. I have witnessed the baby dedication ceremony at my church countless times, but last Sunday – just days after the tragic Sandy Hook Elementary School mass shooting, that ceremony was even more meaningful to me because it reminded me of the power of hope.

One sick individual. One fully loaded gun.  20 innocent small children, their light snuffed out forever; they can shine no more.  It is tragic and senseless, unfathomable.  And we are left with a huge hole in our hearts that grief cannot contain.  And then there are looming questions; some questions are public – why?  While other questions are private – “My God, why?”  Worst of all is the silence.  What happens when an entire nation falls silent?  We are holding our breath.  We are waiting in great anticipation for something, anything to fill the void of unspeakable pain and anguish.  We are waiting for the resurfacing of hope.  How do we muster up hope, our hope in Christ, in the midst of great suffering, sorrow and devastation?  We rely on the word of God for guidance.

And so the story goes, He came to us as a child in the midst of devastation across the land. Just like the babies at the baby dedication ceremony, His head was anointed with oil.  His birth represented the hope we were searching for.  African drums beat in the distance, summoning, beckoning, hope.  In this season of advent, let us anticipate the rebirth of hope into this moment of darkness; this moment of great anguish and loss; this season that calls for a bright light.  Our children have tasted the elements of life.  Let us rededicate our children to Christ and pray for healing over our great nation.  The word of God tells us that this hour of sadness and great mourning will be exchanged for joy and victory; beauty instead of ashes.  

PRAYER: 

 Lord, we place our children in your loving hands.  May the legacy of hope be their anointing.  AMEN

Walking With Strength

The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.  He is my God, and I will praise Him, my Father’s God, and I will exalt Him.”  Exodus 15:2

For twelve years, I worked in the field of addiction and recovery as a counselor and family life educator.  One of the most challenging experiences for me was working on an all-male residential unit; many of the men were dually diagnosed and had been in and out of the doors of treatment and recovery many times.  Often, we would have to send some of the men to a near-by hospital to receive medical attention; when you are active in the throes of addiction, you don’t do a very good job of taking care of yourself....  When this occurred, it was not uncommon for the patient to request another patient to accompany him to his destination.  The men would refer to this arrangement as needing “strength” to go with them.  I understood that reference to mean that an addict alone is bad company.  When people are in the early stages of recovery, it is more than difficult for them to resist the temptation of their demons – their drug of choice. Having a companion along to help resist old behavior and bad habits serves as support or strength for the addict in recovery.   In theory, this is a good concept.  We all could use support; someone to be our strength when we are weak – that’s assuming that the trusted friend isn’t experiencing a moment of weakness as well...

I asked the Lord to send me strength – strength to effectively parent my children.  Recently, I have come to the realization that I allowed my oldest child, Joshua, too much independence and responsibility too soon.  Joshua was supposed to be the perfect child; he was not supposed to present with any challenges, because after all, I had more than my share of challenges with Malachi.  So I took my eyes off of Joshua.  I expected Joshua to handle way more independence and responsibility than he was ready for because I needed him to; I was overwhelmed with managing all of Malachi’s medical and educational issues and didn’t have the focus and energy to attend to Joshua in the way that I needed to.  It’s really painful for me to admit that.  I know this admission to be true because I am currently witnessing Joshua struggling academically; he is easily distracted and hesitant to ask for help with his studies – he feels like he should be able to figure it out on his own.  And the lesson I am teaching him is the lesson I am learning for myself as well – we all need help sometimes.  Life has given our family a lot to manage.  We can’t expect to be strong all of the time.  We can ask God to send us strength and He will, but more importantly, God is our strength. He is “our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”  Psalm 46:1   We can’t always count on strength from a well-meaning friend because we are weak in our humanity.  We can, however, count on God to be our strength for He has omnipotent power!

I choose not to wallow in my parenting error with Joshua – that would be a waste of precious time and energy.  I choose to be excited about our second chance!  I have a chance to renew my relationship with Joshua; a chance to be instrumental in his intellectual and emotional growth and development. I have a chance to cement a fresh bond with Joshua and I am excited!  I’m excited to help mold and shape this beautiful, unvarnished piece of clay – my son, my Joshua!   I’m excited for the discoveries we will make together and who we each will become in the process.  I’m excited to see the finished product – the man of God that Joshua will become.   And best of all, I have a chance to experience God as my strength.

Question of the Day:  Think of a time when you felt weak.  How has God been your strength?

Ball Park Angels

Hi All!  Once again, it's gratitude Friday!  I am sharing with you a page from my Gratitude Journal; this happens to be one of my very favorite writings.  When we take the time to consider all of the wonderful blessings in our lives, we can't help but awaken the spirit of gratitude.  

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble."  Peter 3:8

It’s true what they say – a little bit of compassion goes a long way!  My reflective mood today had me thinking about the many times that people showed compassion towards Malachi and our family.  It is not easy taking Malachi out and into the world. Physically, it’s a challenge to carry and coordinate all of the life-sustaining equipment that must travel with him.  Additionally, Malachi doesn't have the muscle strength to sit-up for any length of time; he can only sit for an hour before we need to find somewhere to lay him down to rest.  Given all of that, our family rallies and rises above the challenges to ensure that Malachi’s social needs are met.  One stand-out moment that highlights compassion was our family outing to White Sox Park on July 4, 2008.  My boys are big Sox fans!  That afternoon, the Sox were playing the Oakland A’s.  We had never taken Malachi to the ball park before, so it was a new adventure for our family.  We were challenged with trying to figure out where we would lay him down when he needed to rest.  I called the ball park a few days before to see if they could accommodate our special needs.  Hospitality told us that Malachi would be welcome to retire in a private room reserved for in the event that someone were to get ill.  The room had a single bed and was separate from the ball park itself which meant that once he retired, he would not be able to see any more of the game.  Although I was disappointed that Malachi and I would need to separate from the rest of the family at some point and not finish the game, I accepted the kind offer.  However, once we got to the ball park, things unfolded quite differently.   Once we got to our seating section, the Chicago Fire Department Paramedics came over and asked if we would need a stretcher for Malachi to lie down.  Malachi was able to lie down the entire game AND see it to the very end!  What a God-send!  One little boy came over and gave Malachi a baseball that he caught and another child gave him a Sox baseball cap to keep.  And the icing on the cake- Sox win!!!

When we remove the barriers that block our heart, we give a very valuable gift to someone in need.  That gift is compassion.   Thank you, God, for sending your son, Jesus, to model compassion to the world.

A Christmas to Remember

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

I love Christmas, even though in my household, it’s a dicey time of the year for our family.  For some peculiar reason, the last couple of years, Malachi has been sick to the point of needing hospitalization right around the Christmas holiday.  The very first Christmas hospitalization was in 2004.  The week prior to Christmas, Malachi started showing signs of a respiratory infection – he had fever, increased secretions and decreased oxygen levels.  Malachi’s doctor and I kept in constant contact; I gave him updates as things were progressing and he gave me medical protocols to follow.  Unfortunately, the closer we got to Christmas day, the worse things progressed.  On Christmas Eve 2004, Malachi’s respiratory function was so poor that I had to place him on oxygen.  Malachi’s doctor and I made a plan to have him admitted to the ICU of the hospital the next day.  I was bummed and really scared, but I had to break the news to my family, so I put on my brave face and explained the circumstances as best as I could to them. 

My family is truly amazing and I love them!  In an effort to make the best out of a difficult situation, my family rallied and decided to begin our celebration on Christmas Eve.  At that time, Josh was only about seven years old and his biggest concern was how Santa would feel about us celebrating Christmas a day ahead of schedule.  Joshua got busy writing Santa a special letter.  He told him that his little brother was very ill and that everyone in the family was praying for him to be better soon.  He went on to explain that we were going to unwrap some of the presents under the tree this evening because Malachi would be in the hospital tomorrow, but Santa should still stop by with the gifts he had for us.  True to tradition, Joshua baked cookies that evening for Santa that he later put on a plate next to a can of Pepsi.  And he sat carrots and a bucket of water outside the door for Santa’s reindeer.  Later that evening as we gathered around the Christmas tree, we prayed for Malachi's healing and exchanged a few presents.  I had hoped to bring Malachi into the front room for the festivities but he was too weak and was getting much needed rest and I dare not disturb his slumber.  I remember it being very difficult for me to stay in the moment with my family; I was worried about Malachi and a bit bewildered at the timing of his illness.  I guess I never really thought about people being in the hospital on Christmas day; Christmas was a day to celebrate hope, happiness and family, not grieve illness.

The following morning, Maurice and Josh drove Malachi and I to the hospital and Malachi was admitted to the intensive care unit (ICU).  The hospital was a ghost town!  We were one of a handful of patients on the unit, which only added to my somber mood.  In an effort to maintain some sense of normalcy for Joshua, Maurice and Joshua returned home to participate in some of the family festivities.  It’s always hard for me to separate from the rest of my family when Malachi is in the hospital – we are a close family, but it was especially hard separating on Christmas day.  I felt sad and lonely...To my surprise, later that evening, Maurice and Joshua came to the hospital with Christmas dinner, Christmas cheer and presents to share!  I was grateful to have my whole family together.  We weren't in the comfort of our own home, but we were together, making the best of a difficult situation because that’s what families do.  That Christmas in the hospital, I thought about a precious baby boy born in a stable – He too wasn't in the comfort of His home.  And I thought about His parents giving their best in spite of the circumstances.   I thought about what His birth meant to the world; the struggles He would endure for the lessons to be taught.  And I thought about the hopes and dreams that His parents had for His life; hope and dreams that couldn't compare to the plans of our Father.  And I felt completely humbled to have that special moment in the hospital, out of the comfort zone of my home, but surrounded by my family and cloaked in His promise of hope and a future.   He destined that moment for His glory.  One of my favorite moments of Christmas 2004 in the ICU was Maurice gently stroking Malachi’s curly locs and reassuring Malachi, Joshua and I that everything was going to be alright. We had prayer at Malachi’s bedside and afterwards, Maurice softly sang to Malachi the songs of Zion –“For every mountain, you bought me over, for every trial, you've seen me through, for every blessing, Hallelujah!  For this, I give you praise!”   

Question of the Day:  What stories of hope and a future does Christmas conjure up for you and your family?