The Name Above All Others

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men.  I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.  But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.  Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.  And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.  Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.”    

                                                            Matthew 6: 5-10

I only intended to whisper His name into the ebony night,

but the full force of His power sprang from my lips as I called His name –

FATHER!

That’s all.  Nothing else to say. 

I closed my eyes and sighed a heavy sigh and let myself go before Him.

He knows.

I know, that He knows.

Yet, the heaviness didn’t quickly subside; it just settled deeper into the crevices of my heart until I brought it up again with an anguished cry,

FATHER!!!

And the tears freely cascaded down my cheeks

and the tension released its grip on my body.

I felt His arms around me – strong, yet gentle; stoic, and ever so comforting.

As I settled into His embrace,

I inhaled the aroma of peace, healing and blessed assurance.

FATHER.

This time it is a whisper-

a soft, delicate whisper,

like a lullaby gently lulling me into sweet sleep.

Amazing Grace!

“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11

I’m really bad at taking my blood pressure medication – often, I don’t take it.  I could use the excuse that the pill is so tiny that I forget about it, but the truth is, I hate being dependent upon medication.  In fact, I down right resent it!  I guess not taking my medication is my way of staging a rebellion.  Against who?  No one but myself!  The other day, I felt light-headed and weak.  On my way to the food pantry, I just sat down on the floor of the hallway, leaned against the door, closed my eyes and deeply inhaled.  I hadn't taken my blood pressure medication in over a week and I was feeling the effects of my negligence.  While sitting on the hallway floor, I had a flashback to more than ten years earlier.  I recalled a moment in time when I felt extreme fatigue.  Now when I tell you my fatigue was extreme, I am telling you that I literally could not get up.  For weeks, I was either tied to my bed or camped out on the couch.  I had neither energy nor appetite to move.  It wasn't the usual tired from ripping and running.  All at once, I felt weak and heavy and every time I made an effort to move my body, I simply couldn't.  Clearly, something was off.  Other than fatigue and loss of appetite, I don’t remember other symptoms, but I do vividly remember all of the feelings I felt.  Confused, scared, powerless, desperate.  What’s wrong with me?   Why wasn't my brain sending the message to my body to get up and move?  Would God rescue me?

With my husband’s help, I went to see my doctor.  She took an extensive history and began to run a series of tests.  She wondered aloud if I had an autoimmune disorder, like Lupus.  I was terrified that my whole life was about to change.  Some folks may called it luck, but I am more inclined to call it grace – God spared me of that fate; I didn't have Lupus.  As the weeks slowly progressed, I got better.  My energy and appetite returned and I was able to freely move again.  I resumed normal activities and my normal life.  I had a similar situation of potential illness (albeit not as dramatic) when Joshua was ten months old – he was diagnosed with asthma and shortly thereafter, so was I.  I was prescribed steroid medication and an inhaler to manage the asthma.  Other than the initial episode, I've not had one single attack nor any asthma symptoms, for that matter -ever!  I knew very early on that asthma would not be a part of my life, however, I wasn't so sure about the Lupus....  While I was sitting on the hallway floor reflecting back to those health scares, I just began to thank God for my health and thank Him for His grace. The minimal weakness I felt earlier combined with the flashback while sitting on the floor was motivation for me to re-evaluate my irresponsible actions.  It dawned on me that I was spared those health challenges because God had a greater plan for my life. We all have challenges of some sort; God said we would have trouble in this life. I am grateful to have good health and my promise to myself this year is to be more appreciative of my health by taking better care of myself.  For me, that means taking my medication; no more acts of rebellion!

I can’t imagine all of the plans that God has in store for me, but I do want to be physically and spiritually fit to fulfill His plans for my life and to serve Him with gladness.  There is no limit when God is in it!

QUESTION OF THE DAY:  How do you show God that you trust the plans He has for your life?  How do you (intentionally or unintentionally) sabotage His plans?

Hear My Voice

My sheep hear my voice;

 I know them, and they follow me.  John 10:27

I have spent a lot of time grieving the fact that Malachi is unable to speak a single word; a lot of hours in therapy processing and contemplating what he thinks and feels but is unable to say.  As a mother, it’s been agonizingly painful wondering if Malachi is angry, frustrated or confused by thoughts and feelings he cannot express.  I yearn to know if that is his reality because the mother in me wants to soothe what ails my child; I want to offer him comfort so that he can make sense of his circumstances.   The mother in me has not only been pained about his inability to verbalize his thoughts and feelings, but also curious about what his voice would sound like if he could speak.   And I cried out to God and told Him of my concerns and gave Him the burden of my pain....

The pain of the past cannot compare to the joy of the present!  Over the last two months, Malachi’s communication has taken off in a very profound way.  While he has always had access to the pre-programmed words and phrases in his Dynavox (computerized laptop communication device), Malachi is growing leaps and bounds in his communication skills.  He demonstrates intentionality about what he wants to communicate and he doesn't allow the Dynavox or anything or anyone for that matter, to limit or restrict his communication; Malachi will piece together words and phrases to convey what he wants and needs.  Before our very eyes, we are watching him unlock the world and it is a beautiful thing to witness.  Malachi has found his voice; he is master of his universe!  He continues to be an example of how to live in spite of his limitations.

I still wonder what Malachi feels about his limitations, but I know in time that Malachi will express whatever feelings he wants to share.  And the ache that I once harbored is no longer an extension of me, it’s been replaced with the joy of watching Malachi discover a whole new world.   Although the Dynavox projects a computerized, mechanical voice, it is Malachi’s voice that I hear speaking with clarity, authority and intention.  I know Malachi’s voice without having ever heard him utter an audible syllable; we are connected spirit-to-spirit; he speaks from his heart to mine and I feel him.  I liken our connection to my relationship with God; I have never seen His face nor heard His actual voice, but my heart knows the distinct sound of His voice because spirit-to-spirit, we are connected.  His Holy Spirit dwells in me and I feel the unconditional love of His son, Jesus, upon me.  I know Malachi’s voice in the same way that I know God’s voice and the love of God.

Yesterday, Malachi called me to his room on his Dynavox, “Mom! Mom!  Mommy!” I entered his room and approached his bedside. 

“Yes, Malachi. I’m here.  What is it, baby?” I asked

“Mom, give me kisses, please.” He said

I smiled a broad grin and reached down to plant a ton of juicy kisses on Malachi’s cheeks, forehead and chin.

“Okay!” he said

And I looked at him and smirked.  Typical teenager.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIozJL2APX4

Question of the Day:  What cues or triggers are you aware of that signal to you with certainty that it’s God’s voice that you are hearing?