Hear My Voice

My sheep hear my voice;

 I know them, and they follow me.  John 10:27

I have spent a lot of time grieving the fact that Malachi is unable to speak a single word; a lot of hours in therapy processing and contemplating what he thinks and feels but is unable to say.  As a mother, it’s been agonizingly painful wondering if Malachi is angry, frustrated or confused by thoughts and feelings he cannot express.  I yearn to know if that is his reality because the mother in me wants to soothe what ails my child; I want to offer him comfort so that he can make sense of his circumstances.   The mother in me has not only been pained about his inability to verbalize his thoughts and feelings, but also curious about what his voice would sound like if he could speak.   And I cried out to God and told Him of my concerns and gave Him the burden of my pain....

The pain of the past cannot compare to the joy of the present!  Over the last two months, Malachi’s communication has taken off in a very profound way.  While he has always had access to the pre-programmed words and phrases in his Dynavox (computerized laptop communication device), Malachi is growing leaps and bounds in his communication skills.  He demonstrates intentionality about what he wants to communicate and he doesn't allow the Dynavox or anything or anyone for that matter, to limit or restrict his communication; Malachi will piece together words and phrases to convey what he wants and needs.  Before our very eyes, we are watching him unlock the world and it is a beautiful thing to witness.  Malachi has found his voice; he is master of his universe!  He continues to be an example of how to live in spite of his limitations.

I still wonder what Malachi feels about his limitations, but I know in time that Malachi will express whatever feelings he wants to share.  And the ache that I once harbored is no longer an extension of me, it’s been replaced with the joy of watching Malachi discover a whole new world.   Although the Dynavox projects a computerized, mechanical voice, it is Malachi’s voice that I hear speaking with clarity, authority and intention.  I know Malachi’s voice without having ever heard him utter an audible syllable; we are connected spirit-to-spirit; he speaks from his heart to mine and I feel him.  I liken our connection to my relationship with God; I have never seen His face nor heard His actual voice, but my heart knows the distinct sound of His voice because spirit-to-spirit, we are connected.  His Holy Spirit dwells in me and I feel the unconditional love of His son, Jesus, upon me.  I know Malachi’s voice in the same way that I know God’s voice and the love of God.

Yesterday, Malachi called me to his room on his Dynavox, “Mom! Mom!  Mommy!” I entered his room and approached his bedside. 

“Yes, Malachi. I’m here.  What is it, baby?” I asked

“Mom, give me kisses, please.” He said

I smiled a broad grin and reached down to plant a ton of juicy kisses on Malachi’s cheeks, forehead and chin.

“Okay!” he said

And I looked at him and smirked.  Typical teenager.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIozJL2APX4

Question of the Day:  What cues or triggers are you aware of that signal to you with certainty that it’s God’s voice that you are hearing?

DON'T Look Back!

As soon as they (the angels) had bought them out, one of them said, “Flee for your lives!  Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain!  Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!”  Genesis 19: 17

Well, 2012 is coming to a close and we are five days away from a new year!   Naturally, I've been reflecting on the highlights and the low lights of this year.   Recently, we had to let go of one our night nurses because she was sleeping on the job.  This particular nurse had been with our family for a couple of years, so I tried to work with her, but the problem persisted.  I had hoped to replace her before her departure, but my spirit kept telling me to release her before she put Malachi in further danger.  I had no choice but to be obedient to my spirit.  Eventually, her shifts were covered, but in the interim, it was difficult for Maurice and I to tag-team and cover the nights and then go to work the next day.  We do what we must to ensure Malachi’s safety.   That was one of the low lights of this year.  The whole idea of looking back reminds me of the bible story of Lot and his wife. 

Two angels came to visit Lot at his home in the city of Sodom.  Wicked men surrounded Lot’s home in the hopes of tempting him with wicked deeds.  The angels blinded the wicked men and told Lot to take his family and flee the city for they were given orders from God to destroy the wicked city.  Lot’s sons-in-law didn’t take the command seriously and Lot himself hesitated to leave the city.  The angels grasped his hands and the hands of his family and led them safely out of the city.  The angels commanded Lot to flee to the mountains and not look back.  Lot argued to flee to a nearby town instead.  The angels agreed not to destroy the town and as Lot and his family fled, Lot’s wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. 

At first glance, I shake my head at the foolishness of Lot.  God vowed to destroy the city of Sodom and Lot was slow to move.  It sorta reminds me of the horror flicks when the would-be victim is being chased by the zombie-monster and instead of running full steam ahead, the would-be victim runs, but looks back.  I just want to shout at the screen, “Run!  Don’t look back!”    But, if I’m honest with myself, I’m guilty of the same behavior; I've run but looked back too.  The issue of losing a night nurse is a prime example to reference.  I knew the night nurse was sleeping when she should have been taking care of Malachi, yet I hesitated to let her go because there was no replacement.  Malachi requires 24 hour monitoring.  If his ventilator were to malfunction and she didn't hear it because she was sleeping, Malachi would suffer greatly, perhaps even die.  I wrestled with my spirit because I knew how the lack of overnight nursing support would affect my family; my spirit was telling me to flee, and like Lot,  I hesitated until I could no longer ignore my spirit.  It has occurred to me that it’s easier to stay in a situation that’s familiar than to move into the unknown, even when we know that our current situation is about to implode.   I think both Lot’s situation and my own suggest a lack of trust in God.  For me, I know that the wrestling of my spirit was me wrestling with what God was telling me to do right NOW!  When I stopped wrestling with God, I felt at peace with my decision; I felt assured that God would send our family reliable, committed night nurses.   I could let go and look forward to the GREAT thing that God was about to do for Malachi instead of looking back with fear and regret.  I chose to be led by my faith and not persuaded by my doubts, worries and insecurities.  I chose to be obedient to God’s command. 

There will be times when fear and worry will cause us to move slowly at God’s command to GO!   We must remember that when we hesitate and look back, we fall prey to the zombie-monster; we stumble and fall and risk an untimely fate.  Worst of all, we miss the awesome opportunity that God has waiting for us.  As I prepare my resolutions over the next few days, I am looking forward with confidence and clarity to a prosperous 2013!

Question of the Day: 

Recall a situation when the Lord told you to GO, but you were hesitant to move.  What were the obstacles?  What did looking back cost you?

Beauty for Ashes

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and to release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor, and the day of vengeance for our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty, instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord, for the display of His splendor.   Isaiah 61: 1 - 3

I love the third Sunday of every month at my church because the baby dedication ceremony takes center stage.  I love this ceremony because it is steeped in beautiful, meaningful African tradition and rituals.  One of the rituals that I especially like is when the pastoral staff places a taste of five different elements on the tongue of each baby.  The ministers explain the symbolic meaning of each element to the congregation as they are administering the elements to the babies.  For example, each baby is given a taste of salt so that they may know wisdom; a taste of vinegar so that they may surmount the bitter trials of life and a taste of honey so that they may know that life in Christ is sweet.  The final element is oil; the child’s head is anointed with oil as a sign of hope – the hope we have in Christ. I have witnessed the baby dedication ceremony at my church countless times, but last Sunday – just days after the tragic Sandy Hook Elementary School mass shooting, that ceremony was even more meaningful to me because it reminded me of the power of hope.

One sick individual. One fully loaded gun.  20 innocent small children, their light snuffed out forever; they can shine no more.  It is tragic and senseless, unfathomable.  And we are left with a huge hole in our hearts that grief cannot contain.  And then there are looming questions; some questions are public – why?  While other questions are private – “My God, why?”  Worst of all is the silence.  What happens when an entire nation falls silent?  We are holding our breath.  We are waiting in great anticipation for something, anything to fill the void of unspeakable pain and anguish.  We are waiting for the resurfacing of hope.  How do we muster up hope, our hope in Christ, in the midst of great suffering, sorrow and devastation?  We rely on the word of God for guidance.

And so the story goes, He came to us as a child in the midst of devastation across the land. Just like the babies at the baby dedication ceremony, His head was anointed with oil.  His birth represented the hope we were searching for.  African drums beat in the distance, summoning, beckoning, hope.  In this season of advent, let us anticipate the rebirth of hope into this moment of darkness; this moment of great anguish and loss; this season that calls for a bright light.  Our children have tasted the elements of life.  Let us rededicate our children to Christ and pray for healing over our great nation.  The word of God tells us that this hour of sadness and great mourning will be exchanged for joy and victory; beauty instead of ashes.  

PRAYER: 

 Lord, we place our children in your loving hands.  May the legacy of hope be their anointing.  AMEN