No Broken Promises

When I first had an inkling that my youngest son, Malachi, would be severely disabled, I ran.  I ran as far away as I could from accepting the awesome responsibility of parenting a child that would be “different.”   I TOLD God – yes, you heard me right; I told HIM that I couldn’t do it.  Can you imagine, me telling HIM, no?  Telling God ‘no’ is the definition of temporary insanity!  I was in utter shock that my child was not just a little disabled, but severely disabled and I had no clue as to how to care for him.  So, I said, nope, not gonna do it!  And rather quickly, things began to unravel for Malachi – his left lung, collapsed, he was struggling to breath and the doctors said we would need to intubate him or he was going to die.  Very quickly, I changed my whole attitude about parenting my special child.  I begged God for his life.  I promised God that if He would just allow Malachi to live, I would step up and give Malachi my very best.  I promised out of desperation.  I promised with a mother’s love.  I promised from a place of pure pain.  I promised.....

Well, God spared Malachi’s life; He determined the plans for Malachi’s future and so, for the past thirteen years, I have solemnly honored my promise to God.  I have given Malachi the very best of all of me.  I have set a high standard of care for Malachi and I insist that family and caregivers adhere to that standard.  Malachi’s brain and senses are intact, so we allow him to explore the world around him; we take him to museums, movies, the zoo, plays, etc.  It’s important to me that Malachi have a good quality of life and that he is treated like the  gift from God that he is; I make sure that he knows he is worthy of love, dignity, respect and all things good that life has to offer. I make sure he is treated as such.  I promised the best, my best to God, for Malachi.   

Over the years, what I’ve come to learn is that promises come at a high price.  My promise to God and Malachi has at times, created additional stress, extreme fatigue and overwhelm in my life and tension in my marriage.  It’s been a major challenge trying to find the balance in meeting all of Malachi’s special needs versus meeting the needs of the other members of my family and taking care of myself.  And while my husband does assist and support me in all that I do for Malachi, the bulk of the responsibilities, care and decisions for Malachi’s health and well-being, rest on my shoulders.  I have fought with doctors, nurses, school administrators, medical vendors and insurance representatives to ensure that Malachi has what he needs; I am his voice, I am his advocate.   My family made a conscious decision and chose life for Malachi when we agreed to ventilate him as opposed to allow him to expire.  I will never, ever regret that decision, nor my promise to give Malachi my best.  But there are moments when I weep from the sheer weight of my promise; moments when it seems that my promise is bigger than me.  And in those moments, I have received a comforting reminder from the Holy Spirit that I am not the only one who made a promise.  God made a few promises too!  

He promised, “But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19  My strength and my help will be restored.  I just have to wait on God.

He promised, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinth. 12:9  I am reminded that God is good and loving and He truly cares for me!  In my weakest moments, He has revealed His omnipotent power.

He promised, “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.”    So we say with confidence, “the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can mere mortals do to me?”   Hebrews 13:5 -6   I do not walk alone on this journey; I feel His presence with me.  The Lord will help me – He always does!

He promised,  “Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 28:11  I can lay my burdens at the feet of God and claim my rest; He will replenish my spirit and rejuvenate my body and mind.

I am so grateful for His promises for I know that He will always make good on them.  The burden of my promise is the blessing of God’s deliverance.  God specializes in keeping His promises.

 

Question of the Day:  What promises burden you?  How has God blessed your promise?

 

For My Father

Greetings readers! It's Gratitude Friday!  Today, I'd like to share with you a piece that my oldest son, Joshua wrote for my Gratitude Journal.  It's a piece about his very special relationship with his Dad.  I hope you enjoy it and as always, be divinely inspired!    Dena :)


How great is the love the Father has lavashed on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!  1 John 3:1

 My father is a rabid Philadelphia Eagles fan. He was born and raised in Philadelphia, PA, so naturally he loved the NFL team that sports Kelly green (midnight green later) as a child. When I was born, it was almost destined that I would become an Eagles fan, as I am his oldest son. Whenever we do well, it’s, “Josh, I think this is our year.” Whenever we do poorly, it’s, “Josh, I think they need to fire Andy Reid” (the head coach). I remember when I was little, I asked my father why we cheered for the Eagles. He muted the game that was on TV, looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Son, you have two options. You can sit outside and root for whatever team you want or you can stay in here with me and cheer for the Eagles.” This was in the middle of a Chicago winter, mind you. Needless to say, it was an easy choice. In 2005, my parents gave me the best ongoing birthday present I’ve ever received. They presented (no pun intended) with tickets and airfare to Philadelphia for an Eagles game against Drew Brees, Ladainian Tomlinson and the San Diego Chargers. Every year since then, we travel back to Philly for a game around my birthday. Just my father and I, hanging out for a weekend together. It is the absolute coolest thing to me.

My father is a very important man in my life. He taught me everything I know. Okay well maybe 45%. But still, that’s a lot of knowledge from 1 person. He’s the person I look up to, the person I aspire to be like. I understand how much of an impact he’s made on my life because so many of my friends don’t have their father around them consistently.

I am incredibly grateful for a loving, caring, compassionate father. Today I thank God for my father!    

Thanks & Giving

It’s Thanksgiving time!  Time for families to gather around the dinner table and give thanks for the first fruits of harvest.   I love to hear stories of elaborate meal planning and creative rituals families have crafted to honor this national tradition.   I’m also grateful for all of the efforts and loving sacrifices made to feed the hungry.  I believe that this time-honored American tradition of thanks and giving brings out the best that humanity has to offer.  The season of Thanksgiving is a time for us to focus our hearts and minds on being grateful for all of His wonderful blessings –like family, food and shelter, and to bless others with sacrificial giving.  And although this time of year is deemed for Thanksgiving, God’s command to us is to practice thanks and giving all throughout the year.

“Give and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”  Luke 6:38

“Enter into His gates with thanksgiving and into His courts with praise.  Be thankful to Him and bless His name.  Psalm 100:4

To that end, I recently witnessed the most awesome example of giving.  Last Friday evening, I invited two moms of children with special needs over to my home for dinner and a play date with Malachi and what a joyful, blessed time we had!  Emma, a beautiful little girl with a big heart and a vibrant spirit, took center stage as soon as she crossed the threshold of my front door.

“Dog! Dog!” Emma shouted. 

Emma beamed with delight as Roscoe greeted her with friendly wags and sniffs.  She repeatedly stroked his curly locks and instantly they became an inseparable pair for the remainder of the evening.  Emma’s introduction to Malachi was equally energetic.

“Hi!  Hi! Emma boomed as she gently stroked his arm.

 Malachi, who had been watching a movie in his bedroom, looked Emma up and down for a considerable amount of time before he said, “Hi!” back on his Dynavox. 

“My room!”  Malachi informed Emma on his Dynavox. 

“See ya, see ya later” Malachi said. 

He was eager to return to watching his movie.  Emma was not at all offended; she had way too much exploring of this new environment on her mind. 

 Shortly thereafter, Earl, a shy little boy with big brown eyes and a wide grin, joined the party.  Like Malachi, Earl was immobile, so his mom carried him to and fro.  Emma’s mom offered to carry Earl while Earl’s mom got herself situated.  Earl easily accepted the transition; he wrapped his arms lovingly around her neck and nestled his head gingerly on her shoulder for a cuddle-hug.  Throughout the evening, the children took their time getting to know one another.  Emma and Malachi “talked” to one another on their Dynvox.  Malachi and Earl communicated through eye gazing.  And Emma and Earl created a communication between themselves that was a mix of Emma’s unrecognizable babble and Earl’s huge smiles.  For all of the challenges these children carried, unconditional love was not one of them; they gave all of themselves to one another.  It’s as if their differences were invisible to one another.  They found a way to communicate acceptance and love.

 After dinner, the children sat in the front room watching, The Lion King on the big flat screen TV.  Malachi was stretched out on the sofa and Emma and Earl were sitting on the floor.  Emma was “chatting” Earl up and he was loving it! Periodically, his mouth broke out into a big, beautiful smile and his eyes danced with delight.  Without any hesitation, Emma reached over to Earl and wiped his mouth with his bib.  And a moment later, Emma reached back to pat Malachi on his leg.  He glanced at her and blinked yes – “Yes, we are showing the world the value of thanks and giving.”

 

“It is not our differences that divide us.  It is our inability to recognize, accept and celebrate those differences.”  Audrey Lord

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2012!