Recently, my husband, Maurice, attended the 2012 United
States Conference on AIDS in Las Vegas, NV.
Fortunately, we were able to arrange four days of 24 hour nursing care
for our son Malachi so that I could join Maurice in Vegas – trust me, that was
no easy task! While officially, it was
not a vacation, we seized a rare opportunity for the two of us to spend some
much needed quality time together, away from our kids, our daily stressors and
the demands and worries of the world of disability. Seeing the sites of Las Vegas wasn’t the
highlight of our trip – it was the intimate time we spent together having
dinner, laughing, talking and just enjoying each other’s company that made this
“work-cation” worthwhile. There was just
one little problem. I had a “moment”
while in Vegas; a mini meltdown; an emotional crisis, of sorts....
On our last night
together in Las Vegas, Maurice and I had planned on seeing Mystere, a Cirque du
Soleil show. In an effort to get a price
reduction on the tickets, we agreed to do a time share tour of new property
still in production in Las Vegas. Along
with about 20 other folks, we viewed a slide show presentation of the time
share and took a tour of the property. Both
the host and tour guide were super-friendly and very good at engaging all of
the guests in what I call “imagine conversation” –
imagine-your-family-vacationing-in-this-dream-location... Of course, it all
sounded good, but Maurice and I agreed beforehand
that we were not financially in position to acquire any new property; we agreed
to say no to any sales offer. Turning
down the offer to purchase property was easy, however, not buying into the
“imagine conversation”, proved not to be easy.
While walking through the property, our tour guide referenced the
slideshow presentation; she asked us to imagine our family in those pictures
creating new rituals and fond family vacation memories. Without any warning, I felt tears well up in
my eyes and gravity pulling my face and emotion down, but I tried to fight
it. Maurice caught the emotion in my
eyes and the shift in my mood and asked me, “Are you okay?” I just nodded and
tried my best to avoid his stare. All
the while, our tour guide continued to highlight the most impressive features
of the property and paint a picture of our family enjoying this sacred time
together. I whipped out my sunglasses
and clumsily put them on my face and frantically tried to push down my rising
emotion, but with every family image my mind inserted, the emotion slowly kept erupting. Maurice abruptly stopped the tour, pulled me
close and asked, “What’s wrong?” Well,
you know I lost it, right? Yeah-no, it
wasn’t one of those cute, little cries either.
I had a full-blown-emotional-warring-with-my-spirit-cry. I was overcome with grief and sadness that my
family wasn’t a part of that slideshow presentation and likely would never
be. I couldn’t envision my wheelchair and
ventilator- bound child grinning like crazy in one of those cozy little
vacation scenarios and it bothered me. I
think that the physical, emotional and financial challenge of attempting to
coordinate nurses, supplies, life-sustaining equipment and emergent hospital
care partially prohibited me from envisioning my family in those scenarios. But what deeply pained me even more was the
improbability of actualizing that great family dream; I was grieving the loss
of a normal family life. That’s what brought on my full-blown-emotional-warring-with-my-spirit-cry.
In my mind, that beautiful family
vacation would always be just a dream for my family and never a reality.
My husband’s gift is his wisdom; his ability to bring fresh
perspective and insight to a situation.
My spirit knows peace when it connects with Maurice’s wisdom. Maurice reminded me that thirteen years ago
when we received Malachi’s diagnosis of Spinal Muscular Atrophy and a life
sentence of two years for Malachi, we couldn’t imagine that Malachi would live
to be a teenager. We couldn’t imagine
that Malachi would be able to operate a computer with his feet. We couldn’t imagine that he and his brother Joshua
would engage in rounds of sibling rivalry.
In essence, Maurice reminded me that there was so much that we couldn’t
imagine with Malachi because of the limitations doctors imposed on his
life. Yet, Malachi exceeded those
limitations because time and again, our family dared to imagine; we stood in
the possibilities of an omnipotent God!
With God ALL things
are possible; He continues to reveal His hope to us on this journey. In my moment of doubt and woe, I had a
difficult time letting that truth resonate with my spirit. But later, in my quiet moment, I replayed
that tape. Maurice was right! We serve a God who loves us unconditionally
and calls us to imagine without limitations. God’s dreams for us are beyond
anything that we could ever imagine! When
we operate in that divine imagination,
we get the blessing and God gets the glory! The challenge for our family is to accept our
charge: to whom much is given, much is required.
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QUESTION OF THE DAY: What dreams have you decided are out of
reach? Share your divine imagination revelation.
