No Broken Promises

When I first had an inkling that my youngest son, Malachi, would be severely disabled, I ran.  I ran as far away as I could from accepting the awesome responsibility of parenting a child that would be “different.”   I TOLD God – yes, you heard me right; I told HIM that I couldn’t do it.  Can you imagine, me telling HIM, no?  Telling God ‘no’ is the definition of temporary insanity!  I was in utter shock that my child was not just a little disabled, but severely disabled and I had no clue as to how to care for him.  So, I said, nope, not gonna do it!  And rather quickly, things began to unravel for Malachi – his left lung, collapsed, he was struggling to breath and the doctors said we would need to intubate him or he was going to die.  Very quickly, I changed my whole attitude about parenting my special child.  I begged God for his life.  I promised God that if He would just allow Malachi to live, I would step up and give Malachi my very best.  I promised out of desperation.  I promised with a mother’s love.  I promised from a place of pure pain.  I promised.....

Well, God spared Malachi’s life; He determined the plans for Malachi’s future and so, for the past thirteen years, I have solemnly honored my promise to God.  I have given Malachi the very best of all of me.  I have set a high standard of care for Malachi and I insist that family and caregivers adhere to that standard.  Malachi’s brain and senses are intact, so we allow him to explore the world around him; we take him to museums, movies, the zoo, plays, etc.  It’s important to me that Malachi have a good quality of life and that he is treated like the  gift from God that he is; I make sure that he knows he is worthy of love, dignity, respect and all things good that life has to offer. I make sure he is treated as such.  I promised the best, my best to God, for Malachi.   

Over the years, what I’ve come to learn is that promises come at a high price.  My promise to God and Malachi has at times, created additional stress, extreme fatigue and overwhelm in my life and tension in my marriage.  It’s been a major challenge trying to find the balance in meeting all of Malachi’s special needs versus meeting the needs of the other members of my family and taking care of myself.  And while my husband does assist and support me in all that I do for Malachi, the bulk of the responsibilities, care and decisions for Malachi’s health and well-being, rest on my shoulders.  I have fought with doctors, nurses, school administrators, medical vendors and insurance representatives to ensure that Malachi has what he needs; I am his voice, I am his advocate.   My family made a conscious decision and chose life for Malachi when we agreed to ventilate him as opposed to allow him to expire.  I will never, ever regret that decision, nor my promise to give Malachi my best.  But there are moments when I weep from the sheer weight of my promise; moments when it seems that my promise is bigger than me.  And in those moments, I have received a comforting reminder from the Holy Spirit that I am not the only one who made a promise.  God made a few promises too!  

He promised, “But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19  My strength and my help will be restored.  I just have to wait on God.

He promised, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinth. 12:9  I am reminded that God is good and loving and He truly cares for me!  In my weakest moments, He has revealed His omnipotent power.

He promised, “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.”    So we say with confidence, “the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can mere mortals do to me?”   Hebrews 13:5 -6   I do not walk alone on this journey; I feel His presence with me.  The Lord will help me – He always does!

He promised,  “Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 28:11  I can lay my burdens at the feet of God and claim my rest; He will replenish my spirit and rejuvenate my body and mind.

I am so grateful for His promises for I know that He will always make good on them.  The burden of my promise is the blessing of God’s deliverance.  God specializes in keeping His promises.

 

Question of the Day:  What promises burden you?  How has God blessed your promise?