When Your Breakdown Inspires Your Breakthrough

Recently, my husband, Maurice, attended the 2012 United States Conference on AIDS in Las Vegas, NV.  Fortunately, we were able to arrange four days of 24 hour nursing care for our son Malachi so that I could join Maurice in Vegas – trust me, that was no easy task!   While officially, it was not a vacation, we seized a rare opportunity for the two of us to spend some much needed quality time together, away from our kids, our daily stressors and the demands and worries of the world of disability.  Seeing the sites of Las Vegas wasn’t the highlight of our trip – it was the intimate time we spent together having dinner, laughing, talking and just enjoying each other’s company that made this “work-cation” worthwhile.  There was just one little problem.  I had a “moment” while in Vegas; a mini meltdown; an emotional crisis, of sorts....

  On our last night together in Las Vegas, Maurice and I had planned on seeing Mystere, a Cirque du Soleil show.  In an effort to get a price reduction on the tickets, we agreed to do a time share tour of new property still in production in Las Vegas.  Along with about 20 other folks, we viewed a slide show presentation of the time share and took a tour of the property.  Both the host and tour guide were super-friendly and very good at engaging all of the guests in what I call “imagine conversation” – imagine-your-family-vacationing-in-this-dream-location... Of course, it all sounded good, but Maurice and I agreed beforehand that we were not financially in position to acquire any new property; we agreed to say no to any sales offer.  Turning down the offer to purchase property was easy, however, not buying into the “imagine conversation”, proved not to be easy.  While walking through the property, our tour guide referenced the slideshow presentation; she asked us to imagine our family in those pictures creating new rituals and fond family vacation memories.  Without any warning, I felt tears well up in my eyes and gravity pulling my face and emotion down, but I tried to fight it.  Maurice caught the emotion in my eyes and the shift in my mood and asked me, “Are you okay?” I just nodded and tried my best to avoid his stare.  All the while, our tour guide continued to highlight the most impressive features of the property and paint a picture of our family enjoying this sacred time together.   I whipped out my sunglasses and clumsily put them on my face and frantically tried to push down my rising emotion, but with every family image my mind inserted, the emotion slowly kept erupting.  Maurice abruptly stopped the tour, pulled me close and asked, “What’s wrong?”   Well, you know I lost it, right?  Yeah-no, it wasn’t one of those cute, little cries either.  I had a full-blown-emotional-warring-with-my-spirit-cry.  I was overcome with grief and sadness that my family wasn’t a part of that slideshow presentation and likely would never be.  I couldn’t envision my wheelchair and ventilator- bound child grinning like crazy in one of those cozy little vacation scenarios and it bothered me.  I think that the physical, emotional and financial challenge of attempting to coordinate nurses, supplies, life-sustaining equipment and emergent hospital care partially prohibited me from envisioning my family in those scenarios.  But what deeply pained me even more was the improbability of actualizing that great family dream; I was grieving the loss of a normal family life. That’s what brought on my full-blown-emotional-warring-with-my-spirit-cry.  In my mind, that beautiful family vacation would always be just a dream for my family and never a reality.

My husband’s gift is his wisdom; his ability to bring fresh perspective and insight to a situation.  My spirit knows peace when it connects with Maurice’s wisdom.  Maurice reminded me that thirteen years ago when we received Malachi’s diagnosis of Spinal Muscular Atrophy and a life sentence of two years for Malachi, we couldn’t imagine that Malachi would live to be a teenager.  We couldn’t imagine that Malachi would be able to operate a computer with his feet.  We couldn’t imagine that he and his brother Joshua would engage in rounds of sibling rivalry.  In essence, Maurice reminded me that there was so much that we couldn’t imagine with Malachi because of the limitations doctors imposed on his life.  Yet, Malachi exceeded those limitations because time and again, our family dared to imagine; we stood in the possibilities of an omnipotent God!

 With God ALL things are possible; He continues to reveal His hope to us on this journey.  In my moment of doubt and woe, I had a difficult time letting that truth resonate with my spirit.  But later, in my quiet moment, I replayed that tape.  Maurice was right!  We serve a God who loves us unconditionally and calls us to imagine without limitations. God’s dreams for us are beyond anything that we could ever imagine!  When we operate in that divine imagination, we get the blessing and God gets the glory!  The challenge for our family is to accept our charge: to whom much is given, much is required.

QUESTION OF THE DAY:  What dreams have you decided are out of reach?  Share your divine imagination revelation.