Hear My Voice

My sheep hear my voice;

 I know them, and they follow me.  John 10:27

I have spent a lot of time grieving the fact that Malachi is unable to speak a single word; a lot of hours in therapy processing and contemplating what he thinks and feels but is unable to say.  As a mother, it’s been agonizingly painful wondering if Malachi is angry, frustrated or confused by thoughts and feelings he cannot express.  I yearn to know if that is his reality because the mother in me wants to soothe what ails my child; I want to offer him comfort so that he can make sense of his circumstances.   The mother in me has not only been pained about his inability to verbalize his thoughts and feelings, but also curious about what his voice would sound like if he could speak.   And I cried out to God and told Him of my concerns and gave Him the burden of my pain....

The pain of the past cannot compare to the joy of the present!  Over the last two months, Malachi’s communication has taken off in a very profound way.  While he has always had access to the pre-programmed words and phrases in his Dynavox (computerized laptop communication device), Malachi is growing leaps and bounds in his communication skills.  He demonstrates intentionality about what he wants to communicate and he doesn't allow the Dynavox or anything or anyone for that matter, to limit or restrict his communication; Malachi will piece together words and phrases to convey what he wants and needs.  Before our very eyes, we are watching him unlock the world and it is a beautiful thing to witness.  Malachi has found his voice; he is master of his universe!  He continues to be an example of how to live in spite of his limitations.

I still wonder what Malachi feels about his limitations, but I know in time that Malachi will express whatever feelings he wants to share.  And the ache that I once harbored is no longer an extension of me, it’s been replaced with the joy of watching Malachi discover a whole new world.   Although the Dynavox projects a computerized, mechanical voice, it is Malachi’s voice that I hear speaking with clarity, authority and intention.  I know Malachi’s voice without having ever heard him utter an audible syllable; we are connected spirit-to-spirit; he speaks from his heart to mine and I feel him.  I liken our connection to my relationship with God; I have never seen His face nor heard His actual voice, but my heart knows the distinct sound of His voice because spirit-to-spirit, we are connected.  His Holy Spirit dwells in me and I feel the unconditional love of His son, Jesus, upon me.  I know Malachi’s voice in the same way that I know God’s voice and the love of God.

Yesterday, Malachi called me to his room on his Dynavox, “Mom! Mom!  Mommy!” I entered his room and approached his bedside. 

“Yes, Malachi. I’m here.  What is it, baby?” I asked

“Mom, give me kisses, please.” He said

I smiled a broad grin and reached down to plant a ton of juicy kisses on Malachi’s cheeks, forehead and chin.

“Okay!” he said

And I looked at him and smirked.  Typical teenager.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIozJL2APX4

Question of the Day:  What cues or triggers are you aware of that signal to you with certainty that it’s God’s voice that you are hearing?